Bully-A Serious Menace!

964

By: – G.S.Oinam
`There is something about sitting in my car while others wash it that makes me feel proud to be one of the laziest men on the planet``”says Grame Swann, English cricketer. Finally, Celina Jaitly, film actress do prayers for horrified student`”Dear maths and chemistry, please grow up and solve your problem yourself!

Two blind men`™s description about an aeroplane is very interesting. First time passenger`™s experience on board is very exiting. More interesting is the dialogue between two beautiful cabin crews about their acting and experience on flight. Woh! Cockpit pilots kidding about how they enjoy in flight and salary they gets and their flying experience is something different. You will be surprise more to know the language how two airlines barons Vijay Mallya and Mahesh Goel speak and communicate about civil aviation industries. Topic is same-`about an aeroplane` but the contents are very different.

When I was child I spoke about my family, my school and my locality; when I grew up, I speak about Imphal and Manipur. I was reluctant to speak for north east for many years. Ten years ago, I could able to speak on north east. Finally- today, I can speak for India and international– a little bit!

Media is a medium to educate and entertain people. We are entertainers. More you entertain more crowd pulls means newspaper circulation figure will increases and advertisement inflows. A scrip writer will write according to audience wishes. An authoritative writer gives only 20% of his personal opinion in his writing, the rest is people opinion`”therefore, his/her writing is acceptable by masses. A Managing Editor of any media house will minutely study the pulse of people on various matters before media campaign on the issue`”he must be specialize both in management (marketing) and news editing. Therefore, local media has to create a post of managing editor like other national media. I speak it from my 20 years all India experience. But, there is one Manipuri proverb `Sun na urok thong lanba uragasu ude haiyu` means don`™t speak words that people unbelievable. A trained circus caw may able to cross a bamboo pole bridge. To prove it truth, you have to show how a caw cross the pole bridge or speak indirectly to protect yourself from the situation unnecessarily arises.

Argument is happen when both sides have merits and demerits. There is no room for argument when one is known far above others and has merits too. We don`™t see any good reason why state cabinet took hasty decision to disperse street vendors at Khwairamband bazaar with immediate effect without proper allotment of market place because of traffic congestion in the timing of Imphal municipality election.
The fact is, traffic is congested because of all business activities and important offices are located at 1 km radius of Imphal and poor traffic management. Honestly, what kind of traffic management state has? Urban traffic management system is classified into `“traffic monitoring system, traffic control system, traffic strategy management system, road safety management system, Access control and parking management system and information system etc. Points to ponder `“ traffic movement control, frequency in pick hour or time stimulator programme, terminal operation and mode operation, traffic planning etc. are all important. Traffic Monitoring System- traffic parameter measurement unit, parking filling unit, video monitoring over traffic unit, metrological condition measurement unit, noise level measurement unit, air pollution measurement unit etc. Traffic Control System`”traffic and pedestrians controlling unit, priorities for public transport vehicle and rescue vehicle unit etc. Traffic Strategy management System`”traffic guidance to alternative roster unit, traffic management between juncture unit, speed management unit, urban logistic unit, traffic planning unit etc. Road Safety Management System`” automated surveillance over drivers`™ behaviour unit, incident management unit, incident detective unit etc. Access Control and Parking Management System`”Parking management unit, access control unit etc. and information system`”road information unit, information in vehicle unit and media information unit etc.

What are the agents of traffic jam in crowded places? Mostly rickshow pullers and vendors. Why they are attracted to crowded palace `“to support parent business and their earning. For example, galamal shop will require rickshow pullers to carry out their services to customers. Whole seller grainier (grocery shop) and vegetable vendors commonly called ` Subji Mandi` must be located at separate place as other state did, because these shops are crowd pullers and dirty. Vegetable vendors will have no problem to occupy the vacant ground in front of Shankar Talkies, Lamphel if the agricultural terminal centre was established at Lamphel. Manipur is the only state does not ask agricultural market terminal project. Ministry of Agriculture is providing fund for agricultural terminal market all over India. We are wonder why state officers concerns are paid (salary) for? Performance appraisal records must be count in the time of promotion rather then seniority to improve the effective functioning of the government.

State has to give attention on public transport system. Improvement of public transport system means less ply of private vehicles on the road ultimately, will reduce traffic jam. For Example, NHPC, Hariyana provides cab facilities to all employees`”charges are deducted from salary. A cab facility provides safety and economy to the staff employees and avoided traffic jam as well. Advantage is employees`™ attendance is good and regular, work style is improved. Big and important offices at Imphal can initiate this model.

Once Osho said`Beware of being swallowed by the animal. But why not swallow the animal yourself? Otherwise, you will have to be constantly alert and aware and on guard, because the animal will be there and it could consume you The animal is simply a beast; it has no understanding `” you cannot expect understanding from it.` Do you have courage to fight to live and alive? If you fear you are defeated. You don`™t need to break your heart for the cause. Believe it, state government will made temporary arrangement either extension of date of notification until new market construction is completed or allotment at the top floor of the three market complexes at Khwairam-band Keithel or any other temporary market arrangement to continuing street vendors business as well. FIR registered against the 27 arrested women street vendors under section 147, 149 and 188 of IPC means– rioting (section 147IPC). The Section 149 IPC says that “if an offence be committed by any member of an unlawful assembly, Section 188 simply say disobedience to order implies imprisonment of 1 month and Rs 200 fine. This SPF government is still learning how to improve governance and crisis management training programme is applying to women vendors or what? `If you try to attack security personals you will get 21 years life imprisonment; if security kill you, personals will get rewards, medal``”film Dabang. Everybody knows SWOT (strength, weakness, opportunity and threat) of SPF government. In NDTV interview, Pranab Mukherji clearly said that party high command will look into the past performance of the state local leaders.

Hi! Gals! Are you disappointed for male dominating complex society? Your boy friend/ hubby say I like this; I don`™t like that! Do this, not that; this is good, that is bad; Ohh! Fed up to follow his rules; Right? Just how much do couples fight? 100-300 times in a year expert says. Married or in love, stand-offs with partners is just natural – it`s only the frequency that differs. And the house is, indeed, divided on the issues`¦but, no matter how much we fight, we patch up in a few hours. Many writers fight their corners on one of the most important questions facing today`™s urban independent women verses traditional rural women. What if you bump into Mr. Right after you`ve committed to Mr. Next-Best? To put an expiry date on the search for Mr. Right is like setting a deadline for a shot at happiness. Mr. Right will make you feel happy a hundred years, are not enough; Mr. Second Best will make you always dream of what might have been. Isn`t the choice a simple one to make? Will you settle for Mr. Good Enough; you don`t want to feel claustrophobic married to the `perfect man`. Also, men are equally confused about whether they should let their masculine traits speak a little more than their egalitarian gender views or should it be the other way around? Or what will do when you feel unhappy even after you settle for Mr Right? Ask by Suranjana Roy Bhattacharya, posted at Marie Claire India. So, may I tell you one mantra? `Jorese bolo Ku-ta; aja mere gale may. (speak with loud and clear- Dog! come to my arm to hug you)` How is that? Gals! Are you all right? We don`™t believe men are dogs, but some behavior-molding techniques used on canines and other beasts can work on a guy. You may never have to nag again. `You can`™t change a man` is one of the oldest cliches in the book- says Bethany Heiman, animal trainer.

`Males are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom, and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviors as many other mammals,` says Amy Sutherland, author of What Shamu Taught Me about Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers. `So they`™re likely to respond to some of the same training techniques Sutherland is speaking from experience. After spending a year at an exotic-animal training school, watching students in action, she successfully applied the techniques to her husband. In less than a few months, she was able to curb some of his undesirable traits. So, what women will teach to men after getting dogs training skills?
Every girl knows the golden relationship rules `” like tells your guy how great he is, not how amazing your ex was. But there are other guidelines that aren`t so obvious. Behold the ultimate cheat sheet. Tell him what do you want and ask him what he likes and dislike.

No matter how old they are, men never quite lose touch with the playful, naughty boy within. Too bad they often pick the worst times to bring out that brat `” like when you`™re running late for work or need them to do something around the house. To get what you need done, `indulge him with a few minutes of acting goofy,` says Anthony Riche, PhD, author of Finally! How to Stop Dating Losers Forever.
Then tell him you`™ll finish playing with him later, as long as he takes out the trash or does whatever else you need him to do. Since his mind and body are now surging with feel-good chemicals from your brief, fun exchange, he`™s less likely to wrinkle his nose at the request, says Riche. Use this technique consistently and, over time, he`™ll be less likely to associate chores with drudgery. Sat `do this not that`™ until you see his best, provides stability, challenge to try new things, motivate, focuses on the future, keeps you healthy, keeps you honest, keeps you normal, makes better in bed, and makes you socialize.

We are very upset to read the articles of Mrs. Priyadarshni M. Gangte`”`generally women constitute the marginalized section in our society. We have known how females have had sufferings due to the compelling situations arising from the social, economic, cultural religious and political conditions or ideologies of the past. Insecurities of all sorts arise for females particularly from that of economic activities are resorted in this prevailing environment. Thus, it is high time to think and materialize ones share`™s due to others. If all the fallout continue what will be the future? It is, therefore, civil societies, NGO`™s, Intellectual groups, and all the states should take remedial measure to abolish and of course, the Government`™s role to introduce certain parameter relating to kidnapping of girls/women so that the youths (boys) should learn to respect girls which will be the only way that people be socially enlightened. Thus a deeply oriented additional policy is the need of the hour especially in Manipur `“ the Jewel of India.`

My personal experience in Mizoram- about 40% of Mizoram government employees are women. Most of the private employees are also women. They are hard working and fascinating. Mizo girl could success civil service exam.(IAS) in the year 1979.But the problem is, one lady was giving loan payment for the home her ex husband occupied. Because housing loan was taken in her name and after divorce she gets nothing even children but loan payment has to continue! Christian marriage act is not applicable in Mizoram even they are all Christian`”they are bounded by Mizo customary law. Immediately I spoke to Zoram Thanga-the then chief minister about the problem of Mizo women after request from Ms Lalnipui, President of Mizo women Union-largest women organisation in Mizoram. Finally, chief minister said we will discuss the matter for law amendment –change is continuity. Have any change? No elected women MLA are found in Mizoram.

Now a day, Women have been empowered and forerunner in every field- politics, corporate and business, educational institutions, scientist etc. Smt Sonia Gandhi, UPA chairperson, Smt. Sushma Swaraj, Opposition leader, Smt. Meira kumar, Speaker Lok Sabha , Smt, Pratibha Patil, President of India are all women. Separate ministry of women and child welfare has been open. Various policy and programmes related to women and child welfare can be dawn load from ministry website. Department of Social Welfare and Social Welfare Board is the state concern department`”how the department is working is another thing.

When Hollywood diva Audrey was asked about the secret of her beauty, she responded with a favorite poem, “Time Tested Beauty Tips.” by Sam Levenson.
“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you`ll never walk alone…”

“The true beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!”

Children always see more beauty than grown-ups do; because of their tremendous inner purity they see beauty in everything. When the mind is “developed”, it also goes through conditioning and so begins to find fault. We love to see ugliness and impurity even in things that are really beautiful and good if an artist has created something, we look for anomalies.

But, the problem is formation of bully in our society. Men are often fallen guys when they fall in love or lust in beautiful women.
Sometimes or forever ask to give attention he deserves for you! To show this, many unrealistic and unnatural things are added like posing as powerful or rich person to flirt women. There is a big difference between being rich and acting rich among men and women.
What you feel when you see strapping men with shirt top buttons not done, displaying a hairy chest and a heavy gold chain reaching down and his favourite hot wheels (car /bike) and new fashion costly mobile phone and lab top. They may also display beautiful watch and at least two heavy rings on the fingers of each hand -one of them may to be a lucky stone ring. It is the ring that brought the good luck, which brought the riches! And it is the same with women. All items competing and clamouring to shout out that I am rich.
Give me the attention I deserve! It has been said that most women can never have enough of all four — bags, shoes, dress and compliments! Most times, all this seems unduly gross. Sometimes, adorn like jewellery show box–follows by others in competitive manner. In fact women are more competitive then men with least reasoning. Control your inferior complexity-financially and socially and free yourself from bully formation. It is very simple to say `I am not your type–I don`™t greed to somebody power, wealth and beauty. I am satisfied where I stand on.`

How and when will people understand the value of understated elegance? No wonder Winston Churchill said that “It takes three generations to make a gentleman.” Why? How long will you remain as gentlemen when most of them are greed, hawk, cunning, fool, killer and looter? A gentleman will become starving bagger very soon if his environment belongs to animal planet. Film star Shahrukh Khan`™s father was killed by his honesty.

Love is sharing; greed is hoarding. Greed only wants and never gives, and love knows only giving and never asks for anything in return; it is unconditional sharing says Osho. But, how rich are you for giving and sharing with others? Will you think for your family and children?

Surprisingly state has developed bully in a serious manner in the government, workplace, society, streets, school and collages, in the locality and even in the family and relatives. Social bullying is when someone spreads rumours or speaks nasty things, that hurting in a rude manner, and that is generally unhelpful when responding to work inquiries, regularly referred to derogatory terms and that on at least one occasion threatened violence. Social bullying is deliberate, repetitive and aggressive social behavior intended to hurt others. This type of behavior generally includes verbal abuse, gossip or other actions that cause mental and emotional harm and social isolation for the victim.

Bullying is when a person is picked on over and over again by an individual or group with more power, either in terms of physical strength or social standing.

Two of the main reasons people are bullied are because of appearance and social status. Bullies pick on the people they think don`t fit in, maybe because of how they look, how they act (for example, kids who are shy and withdrawn), their race or religion, or because the bullies think their target may be gay or lesbian.

Some bullies attack their targets physically, which can mean anything from shoving or tripping to punching or hitting, or even sexual assault. Others use psychological control or verbal insults to put themselves in charge.

Studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide more. Many bullies share some common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They often have poor social skills and poor social judgment. Sometimes they have no feelings of empathy or caring toward other people. Although most bullies think they`re hot stuff and have the right to push people around, others are actually insecure.

One situation in which it is vital to report bullying is if it threatens to lead to physical danger and harm. Most studies about bullying focus on boys as aggressors but girls can be bullies too and when girls bully it can be an entirely different beast. When we think of bullying we tend to think of physical violence and outward taunting but when girls bully their tactics are often quiet and covert. When girls bully it often goes unaddressed. Since adults don`t always label the tactics used by girls as bullying kids who fall victim don`™t know where to turn for help. The victim feels like everybody is against them, not just the bully.
These people intentionally take risks, such as picking fights or using drugs, to elevate their social status or alleviate anxiety, though they generally end up unhappier, unhealthier and more isolated.

“Social anxiety in particular is closely related to victimization, and at least some victims of bullying as a means of retaliation. This is the problem with psychology and psychiatry: Different disorders are designated when in fact, they`re really different manifestations of the same underlying problem,” Todd Kashdan told Discovery News. Social bullying is increasingly common, especially among teenage girls, and it can be just as damaging as physical violence. A common characteristic of social bullying is that it usually takes place within groups `“ one child might turn an entire group against another person. The goal of social bullying is to belittle and harm another individual or group.

Who is bully? If people`™s painful memories are not healed with experiences of soothing love, they develop distorted perceptions. If you are happy you make another happy. If you are unhappy, you make another unhappy says Ms Samadarshini, senior faculty of One World Academy. Overly aggressive behaviour that makes coming to work a dreaded necessarily for many employees and one, which can lead to violence is work place bully.` Workplace bully means any sort of behaviour that is persistently directed towards an employee or a group of employees in a manner that undermines their position within the work environment and in the process, affects them psychologically. It can be in the form of aggressive behaviour, verbal abuse, physical abuse, humiliation, job insecurity threats, etc` says Vaibhav Mahajan, manager HR, New group of companies.

Bullying at the work place occurs in almost every industry. It is major concern for private organisations, government bodies and even educational and medical institutions. Competitive industries like media and creative agencies besides the mushrooming call centres and BPOs face a lot more of work bullying cases as compared to other industries.

According to Dr Anjali Chhabria, Pshycologist, there are a variety of reasons why a person may bully another employee at the work place. Some of the reasons are`”power, difference, and culture etc.

Ms Samadarshini says `Remember the bully at office is unhappy person. His unhappiness makes him insensitive to your pain. Even if he knows at an intellectual level that this morbid fun is causing you pain, the bully cannot actually feel it. You might actually contest the idea of all hard hearted people being unhappy. Just because the bully at work laughs and parties a lot, but it does not mean he is happy. Do not be fooled by appearances; they can be deceptive. Sadistic people are sad people. They camouflage their unhappiness with hard edgedness. If suffering is assimilated with wisdom, a caring and considerate human being is born. Your bully needs not your fear or scorn but your sympathy and compassion.`

Wanting to have power over other people`™s feelings–The desire to dominate, taunt and make fun of other people`™s lives arises from a mind that is deeply rooted in fear. These are people who constantly feel threatened and hence, make an unconscious attempt at defending themselves. In attempting to protect themselves from their own self projected fears, they become aggressors and attackers.
Have a conversation; help him feel more secure, say Ms Samadarshini.

So, what will happen to our society when the government is remains as bully?

1 COMMENT

  1. I agree, bullying can lead to low self esteem. However, it does not always lead to mental illness. I speak from experience and I am a woman who endured a living hell, married to a mentally ill doctor.
    My book, “A butterfly landed an eagle”, is my true story of life in India, through 1st Pakistan-India war to migration to Perth, Australia in 1972. I am a Christian (since age of 13).God brought me through with a sound mind.
    I am also a retired nurse and write the sequel to my 1st book. My four children did not escape unscathed. Emotional damage and not mental illness, did result as a by-product of their mentally ill, Australian father. 

Leave a Reply to Elizabeth Laine Cancel reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here